Interpersonal Relationships

Personal traits sometimes fall out of their sweet spots and cease to be helpful qualities. Take, for example, the colleague who goes out of their way to show interest in others but reveals little about themselves. His conversations feel more like interviews than dialogues. Rather than being seen as gracious,…

Whether at home, at the workplace, or out with friends, all of our connections live within a proximity to us that we choose. Those who are let into the inner circle are typically the most trusted and have the most extensive relationship history. Those most distant have either earned the need for arms-length or haven’t yet proven their welcome closer to the center. Over time, our connections move in and out, nearer and further, as events unfold that justify their position. However that plays out, each of us is in charge of who populates our concentric circles and where in our personal ecosystems everyone gets to live.

Whenever two or more people come together, they share something. Connections between humans – of any size and shape – are each woven together with common threads.

The puppies in the image are playing, not fighting. The stakes are low. No ground rules, just play. If you are going to go toe-to-toe with a peer on an issue where the stakes are high, it’s best to have some rules. In professional settings, conflict management skills are trained and practiced regularly. Often deemed “conflict resolution,” there is an assumption that the outcome will include peaceful understanding and strengthened relationships. Not always. Not everyone fights fair. Here are 10 rules to consider the next time you decide to engage in a fight.

We have many teachers over the course of a lifespan, both formal and informal. Some become secret role models even as they remain unaware of the impact they’ve had on our personal and professional trajectory. Others are selected and ordained with a formal responsibility to guide insight and discovery. Whatever the reason for the relationship’s formation, the ideal teacher-student relationship has distinct qualities. This connection embodies the smallest, and often most important, team.

There’s a way of viewing the many partnerships that make up a team while looking at the whole team as a unit. The fingerprint-level uniqueness of the group is stamped by the distinct individual connections between teammates. As each internal partnership morphs, the team evolves either toward or away from wellness. Here’s how to take a snapshot of today’s state of affairs.

Below the tip of the iceberg, down beneath the surface where the secrets live, you’ll find the original source of today’s team dynamics. Although usually invisible in day-to-day interactions, the ways we relate to our teammates have their roots in the families where we were raised. The earliest connection with our parents, siblings, and extended families quietly shapes the way we treat others and expect to be treated. These powers are always in play.

Some motivations come from external sources. Power and money are quick examples. They drive decisions and behaviors with enticing promises. Other motivations come from within. Attachment, for instance, provides intrinsic fuel to engage with others. Connection is the most reliable glue that holds teams together. If you are looking for a strategy to strengthen your team, start with an honest appraisal of the quality of each relationship. Here’s a quick 5-step method to enhance what is working and repair what’s not.

It’s hard to break free of your own perspective. Teammates see the same event and experience different interpretations. Each believes his or her view is the truth. Of course, each truth is correct. There are many truths. The challenge is to get behind the eyes of your teammates and understand their truths. Here’s how.

Times of crisis separate those who need care from those who provide care. Beyond the obvious healthcare application, anyone delivering professional services is thrust into the role of managing pain of some variety. Teachers, counselors, ministers, attorneys, accountants, advisors and consultants make a living by helping navigate uncharted waters. Each of them carries the weight of the impact of the crisis in their own lives but must stay sufficiently focused to attend to client priorities. So, who takes care of the caregivers?

My guitar teacher has been honing his skills as a musician and educator for about 25 years. I have been working on my chops for about 50. It has taken me twice as long to get half as good. Face it, practicing thirty-to-sixty minutes daily will never achieve the results of devoting three-to-six hours each day. Even if I step up to his pace, there aren’t enough years remaining in a human life span to learn to play at his level.

This is why I selected him for my team of two. I will always have new goals that seem nearly out of reach, yet attainable with hard work. This partnership has an unspoken recipe.

Time is precious. The team’s highest priorities get attention and less important things get neglected. Unfortunately, the subjects of neglect are often people. When someone feels like a low priority, engagement suffers. These teammates come to work, do their job, go home, and collect their paychecks. Why would they go the extra mile? Yet, when we invest in people, they grow. Sleepwalkers become evangelists. Look at your team roster. Identify the teammate most likely to thrive if fed. Sponsor his or her development. Here’s how.